I was reading scriptures yesterday when I came across one which speaks of blessings for "valiantly enduring." Those are the blessings I want but sometimes life and trials get tiring just trying to endure each day! I believe that that is where faith comes in. And faith is not always easy, I know. But I think too, that God knows our faith and recognizes when we are giving all we can give in life, and in turn, blesses us beyond what we can comprehend (although not always immediately recognizeable). Also, sometimes "all that we have" seems like very little to us, but we must exercise even a "particle of faith," and even when we "no more than desire to believe" (see Alma 32:37), we can be touched by God's hand. He can and will reassure us of his love whenever we need it. I experienced much fear and worry going into Benjamin's last appointment and have once again learned to not doubt my Heavenly Father.
In early December, about 10 weeks following Benjamin's last chemotherapy treatment, we took Benjamin back to the hospital for his first (of round 2) post-chemo follow-up. He had another skeletal survey and two new bone lesions were found. One being on the back/top of his skull, and the other on his right femur. After noticing this on his x-ray, the skull lesion was easily palpable on his head. For some reason, I was not a bit surprised about these new tumors. However, I felt very discouraged and tired of this dumb disease.
Dr. F had learned recently of a new study that has proven in mild LCH, an anti-inflammatory drug CAN be effective. We will try this anti-inflammatory medication for eight weeks and then will check the progress. His next appointment is February 6th and once again, that will be a nerve-racking day, unless. . . of course, we just have faith.
Faith is that magic word that seems to be the answer to all things in this life! Faith is the opposite of fear and I know that is true because when I choose to have faith instead of fear, I am much more calm. I recognize that my trials are in God's hands! I know that it is not always easy! Trust me, I have had more fear in life the last two years, than I ever have in my previous thirty-six years.
However, after the priesthood blessing Benjamin received by his dad and grandpas recently and many, many prayers, I feel much more calm. I am reminded that I can cast my burdens upon the Lord, my Savior, Jesus Christ. HE suffered for me and my family and especially in this trial, he suffered for our little Benjamin. Christ has felt every pain we each have experienced. That gives me so much comfort. He will be by my side and by the side of my little buddy during these next few weeks and always. And to know that He will not give me or anyone else anything in this life that we can not handle, is reassuring. He has always been by my side and has given me help (family, friends, scriptures, priesthood blessing, prayers, etc.) when I have needed it most, especially with Benjamin and his disease! This is when "valiantly enduring" means something. I will do my best to even "desire to believe," hang on with faith, even in the difficult moments, and valiantly endure!
Thanks again everyone for your kind gestures and prayers!
This is the cake from his 2nd round of chemtherapy celebration!
While everyone else was in the backyard celebrating this little guy, he quietly exited the party and went upstairs, turned on the t.v. and was sound asleep when we found him! The slide was so much fun!
